The Boundary Line

Step 1: Identify the Emotional Boundary (5 minutes)

Answer this question honestly:

Where do I feel repeatedly irritated, resentful or drained, but rarely say no clearly?

Common signals are...
• You feel annoyed but keep agreeing.
• You justify or explain repeatedly.
• You feel responsible for others' reactions.
• You enforce the boundary differently depending on mood.

Write one situation only:
The situation is: ________

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Step 2: Name How It Is Currently Enforced (5 minutes)

How is this boundary being held right now?

Examples:
• Through tone rather than words
• Through delayed replies
• Through silent resentment
• Through overwork followed by withdrawal
• Through hoping people will "get the hint"

Write:
I currently enforce this boundary through: ________

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Step 3: Draw the Actual Boundary Line (8 minutes)

Now make the boundary explicit.

Complete this sentence:

"I am responsible for ________. I am not responsible for ________."

Examples:
• "I am responsible for setting priorities. I am not responsible for making everyone happy."
• "I am responsible for decision quality. I am not responsible for unanimous agreement."
• "I am responsible for availability during work hours. I am not responsible for responding immediately."

My boundary line is:
I am responsible for ________. I am not responsible for ________.

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Step 4: Choose One Structural Change (7 minutes)

What structural adjustment would make this boundary real?

Good structural moves:
• A stated response window
• A documented decision right
• A fixed meeting rule
• A default answer that removes negotiation
• A visible process instead of case-by-case judgment

Avoid:
• Emotional appeals
• Long explanations
• Hoping behaviour changes without structure

The structural change I will implement is: ________

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Step 5: Script the Boundary Once (5 minutes)

Write a single, calm statement you will use consistently.

Use this structure:
"From now on, I will ________. I won't ________. This is to support ________."

Example:
"From now on, I will review requests on Fridays. I won't respond ad hoc during the week. This is to protect focus and decision quality."

My boundary statement:
"From now on, I will ________. I won't ________. This is to support ________."

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Step 6: Prepare for Discomfort (5 minutes)

Answer honestly:

• What reaction am I most afraid of?
• What reaction is most likely?
• What reaction would confirm the boundary was necessary?

Write:
The discomfort I expect is: ________

Remember: discomfort does not mean the boundary is wrong. It often means it is new.

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Operating Principles

Harden:
• State the boundary once, then repeat it without adding new justification
• Let structure do the work, not your emotions
• Allow others to adjust in their own time

Soften:
• Expect initial friction — it is not a signal to retreat
• You do not need to manage others' feelings to be ethical
• A clear boundary reduces resentment on both sides

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Reflection Question

What changed when the boundary became structural instead of emotional — and what does that tell you about where your energy was leaking?